I haven’t felt this way about someone in quite some time. It is nice to know these feelings still exist. I just pray I am not in over my head.
A year ago…
..I wrote this on facebook. “Starting today, Im seeing my worth and value in life. Im strong. Im amazing. Im blessed. Im beautiful. Im done living my life through the eyes of others.” I can only hope that I still am seeing all of this in me that I saw last year. I have been through many struggles but through all of the downs, I have seen many ups in my life. And hope that it continues to go up from here.
I don’t know what I want. I’m where I wanted to be in life but I feel like there is something missing. Is there more to life than where I am now? How much better can it get from here? What do I do when I reached my dreams already?
Three weeks ago that’s how I felt. Now that dream has been taken away from me. When will I finally get a break? It would be nice for things to finally go right for once. I just wish I believed fully that God has a bigger plan for me. I want to believe that but it is hard to when I see so many around me getting what they want but not me. And I think mostly I mean romantically. I just wish I had that person there with me making the hard times easier to get through. Yes my family is great, but that isn’t the same. I just wish that if I can’t be happy in love at least let me be happy with my job. Here’s to hoping another kindergarten section opens up. Please, God.
It’s been one year. One year since you destroyed part of me. One year since you stole a part of me. One year since I lost respect for you and it became difficult to trust all other men. I can’t stand seeing you now. Just one look at you makes my heart race, and not in a good way. I just want to rip off your dick and punch your face a million times. You are screwed up and I’m done letting screwed up people bring me down. I wish I could go back in time and change so many things. How nice I always was to you, flirting with you, and mostly the texting conversation we had. I’d have made sure no one left me alone with you and that you never even got in bed with me. I hate that night. I hate how vulnerable I was. I hate how numb I had been because that night was not what I needed to help me feel something. I hate you.
“Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.”
I don’t know what I want. I’m where I wanted to be in life but I feel like there is something missing. Is there more to life than where I am now? How much better can it get from here? What do I do when I reached my dreams already?
I think this describes my situation to a t. I’ve been physical with 2 others since you, but it wasn’t the same emotionally. There wasn’t the connection, the passion, the feelings. There is no greater feeling than knowing your best friend is just as crazy for you as you are for them. I don’t miss you. You weren’t 100% there. I never really had you like I would have liked. But I had you enough to know what love was. And I k ow that one day I will find someone to love me how I deserve to be loved and it will reinforce the fact that it isn’t you I miss; it is simply love and affection I miss.
Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever.
